The Ultimate Rejection Letter

Herbert A. Millington Chair - Search Committee 412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University College Hill, MA  34109  Dear Professor Millington,  Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.   This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.   Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then.   Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.  Sincerely, Chris L. Jensen